To those that were originally confused (*cough* megan), when I was working today kyle was making fun of me because I’m always quiet and prudish. He then proceeded to break out in a fake monologue, pretending to be me, but as if I was badass and they were prudes. So I sent them this letter, reiterating some of the things they talk about.
Dear Anna Katvagina, Kyle, and Laura (who presumably has a facebook because she’s a fucking actress)
I’m just going to get straight to the point here guys, you need to lighten the fuck up. Stop being so fucking mute and elitist. Open your mouth and speak, you bastards. I know I can be intimidating, because of my dark makeup, numerous piercings, and fucking awesome personality, but get over yourselves. Go smoke a joint or something. Want me to buy you some alcohol? Because I will if I don’t get my fake ID taken away again- FUCKING COPS PATROLLING PARKS. Or better yet, go to brooklyn and party in an abandoned warehouse. You have to face the fact that you can’t fucking hide from me by cleaning the whole theatre. You know we only clean when Gare-bear’s around.
Anyway, that’s basically the extent of my rant. Except for the fact that you always fucking bother me when I’m hungover. I will vomit on you. Oh, and when I talk about all the boys in my life and the birth control I need for the crazy sex I’m having, at least feign some interest. I hope to see some improvement the next time I work with you. Have fun spending the rest of your sunday doing homework.
Your fellow fucking amazing co-worker,
Gioia
Their response:
hahahahahahaha amazing. major props and respect earned.
ps. you’re fucking fired.
